I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
