tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize