there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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