she woke up with a sticky ear
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
