I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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