I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
