There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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