I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
