Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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