You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
