For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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