I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize