you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
