Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
