Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
