I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
