i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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