i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
