i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
