Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize