My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
