This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize