I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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