Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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