I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
