phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
