what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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