no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
