Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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