I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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