He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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