What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
