New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
