is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just had sex bonerless
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
