2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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