So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
