now i know why i became what i already was.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
