I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
