dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
