I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
