my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
