i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
