I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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