why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Randomize
