My friends, they love my intelligence
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
