he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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