This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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