I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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