I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I faked an abortion last night.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
