You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
