you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
