drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
