Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize