Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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