i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
