i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
