So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
