so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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