I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
