I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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