maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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