Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
