Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
