Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize