If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
