It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry about my life...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
