what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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