I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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