end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
