I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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