I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
