have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
