Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
