I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
