Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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