Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
