last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
