Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
