So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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