for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
