Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
