I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
