I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
