Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
