..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
