I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
