you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
