she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
