i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
