I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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