You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
