you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
