I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
