he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
