Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
