Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
