omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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