I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
