420 ftw
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
