my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
