New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
