hotel room ftw
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
