Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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