Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
love makes seman taste better
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
