just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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