you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
